A Bundle Of Nerves

Have you ever wondered how everything seems to be sugar coated in movies? On the silver screen, every time a woman gets pregnant she is shown to suddenly develop exceptional maternal instincts. It happens as quickly as the bold line appears on the test. She’s portrayed to be happy devoid of any apprehensions. While I'm all for those, I do wish they would be slightly realistic too. 

Well, it’s the 6th week of my pregnancy and honestly I’m just a bundle of nerves. That's about all I'm at the moment. My heart appears to be beating a rate higher than bullet trains with millions of new thoughts occupying it every second. It’s like I’m walking on thin ice, one wrong step and the fall could hit me harder than ever.

Source freedigitalphotos.net by Boians Cho Joo Young

Whether I’m ready for a baby? Yes, as ready as I’ll ever be. And most importantly this is a planned pregnancy, something T and I had talked about at length. Happy and excited, I’m all of those things but I’m extremely scared too. It’s a seesaw of emotions I seem to be on. It’s hard to express but the mere thought of my life changing forever, and this time in reality, is taking a long time to sink in. Overwhelming is the word that I’m looking for perhaps.

But why only mine, T’s life is going to change too? In fact, our life as a couple is going to undergo a paradigm shift. But he seems to be dealing with it a lot better than me. He calls it maintaining the equilibrium in our relationship. So, while I’m worrying, he has chosen to remain steady for me. Well, that’s T, always taking every responsibility he comes across, sometimes more than he needs to.

These past few weeks have been all about mental notes. What to eat, what not to eat, then to eat and eat some more. To take no stress, to do this and that. Every one whom we have shared the news with has a tip to give. But all I want is for them to let me first come to terms with this huge change in life and my body. Of course, all of their suggestions are well intended but I don’t want to be treated differently because I’m expecting. I just want some form of normalcy, some form of familiarity before everything changes, before I can shed all my fears and accept the changes, big or small.

I don’t know how first time moms feel, what they go through. Perhaps it’s all normal and I’ll get the hang of it soon. Perhaps I’ll realize that all my fears were unfounded. But until then I want to be left alone to embrace this in my own way. Does it make any sense at all?

We Are Pregnant!

When Sushmita Sen was asked about the essence of a woman at the Miss Universe contest I remember her mentioning, among other things, that the origin of a child is a mother who is a woman and that is, in many ways, her essence. As I grew up, I realized as much as a woman has the gift of bringing a new life to the world, her essence by no means is restricted to being just a mother. But yes, being one is definitely something that is life changing, momentous to say the least. But so is being a father which I must tell you, is no mean feat. Fatherhood changes a carefree man in an instant, he becomes the father irrevocably bound to a new life. Something changes, responsibility and love for the progeny perhaps?? Parenthood, though something so routine, is an experience unique to each individual, to each couple.

Credit freedigitalphotos.net by Stuart Miles

I never thought that one day I would stand at the verge of being a mum. But here I am today 5 weeks into the journey already. Incredible really, judging by how impatient and impulsive I am. T always tells me ‘grow up D!’ Well, looks like I have to grow up after all. From college sweethearts to expecting parents, T and I have really come a long way.

Through this blog we hope to catalog our journey towards parenthood. The joys, apprehensions, excitement, every feeling under the rainbow really. As a couple we have always been unconventional, no sure how parenthood is going to change that though, if at all. Or, maybe we’ll just be the best unconventional parents we can be. Who knows? 

It’s a strange feeling to think that a new life is taking shape inside of me. What do I do? How do I do? What is right or what is wrong? I have so many questions and so does T. It has been a week since it was confirmed that we are pregnant. And since then T has been busy digging up one article after the other on pregnancy and child birth. I think by the time our baby is out, T will be ready with his thesis on what to read when expecting!

Tell me though will you join us in this journey? Will you? Well, we really hope you do. 

Until next time! 
Ciao.